Thoughts on Fatherhood

A friend once forwarded an email to me which asked what it’s like to be a father. Since I had two children at the time (now I have three), I had a few things to say. Here’s what I wrote her:

No doubt when God made us in His image He intended that we share in His emotions (if that is what you call them) and His experiences as a Father. This is one way that I come to know Him better . . . I am somehow entering into His experience as a Father. When I look at my children I am struck with a host of desires and feelings for them: pride in their beauty, aggression for their protection, joy in making them laugh, pain when they fall (immediately followed by care for their restoration), and one more overwhelming desire that is harder to articulate. . .

I want to take everything that is inside of me and put it into them. I guess you could say I want them to be like me, except that I want to see it with a twist that is unique to them. It's really fun to see little persons growing up under you, in your care, knowing that they are going to express you, but in ways that are unique to them—in ways that have never exactly been done before. They look like you and talk like you. They immediately remind others of you when they open their mouths. But something more is there, too.

It also feels good deep inside to know that I get to be "their world." I literally establish in their minds what life is like, and I am the one who gets to show them whether they are worth anything in this world. That honors me like nothing else I can think of. Surely God enjoys infinitely more being the One who supplies us with everything that we need. I think this fills Him with joy, pride, and contentment to have that place in our world. This thought also gives me the hint that, when I recount to Him how He is my everything, He is touched by the interaction. That boggles my mind.

I realize that God is unmovable and unchanging; and I have never liked the picture of Him that some paint in which He is helplessly sitting “up there” waiting for all of us “down here” to do something so that He can respond to it. I do not think He is ultimately in the position of responding to us because in reality He is responsible for our desires and actions in the first place (see Php.2:13). On the other hand, I know that He enjoys us when we interact with Him as His children. I know from my interaction with my own children that it must bring joy to the heart of God when his children show Him affection.

Here’s another startling realization: We are all He thinks about. Psalm 139 beautifully expresses that while you sleep at night He thinks about you all night. That's a Father for you . . . planning every minute of the day so that you can have the absolute best upbringing that can be provided you. I don’t think this is supposed to make me egocentric—I am not His only child. But He loves me and labors over me as much as any good father would. He plans and follows our every step in order to ensure that we mature into who we are meant to be.

Another thing occurs to me. When my 18-month-old was learning to walk she would often fall down. She did not realize it, but that is part of learning to walk. The only way to learn to control your movement is to throw your weight around a bit, and that means falling a lot. This would always upset my oldest little girl, because she was born a perfectionist. Two things struck me during that time. First, I was neither angry nor surprised by her falling. How could a father be angry at a child for not knowing how to walk? And yet you probably struggle like I do when you mess up in your own "walk" with the Lord. Your first impulse is to be ashamed that you fell. But He is not ashamed of you. He could even be smiling at how cute you are right in the middle of your failure. He has quite a sense of humor, in case you haven’t noticed.

The second thing that struck me was that a fascinating thing happens when a toddler who is learning to walk falls down. The first thing they do before they cry is look at your face. They want to know how you feel about this and how they should feel about this. If your face is downcast they will erupt into tears. But if you are laughing or smiling they will register that and get back up again. Isn't that revealing of our reaction to our own failures? We want to know immediately what our Father thinks. Unfortunately, many of us have been told the wrong thing about what His face is doing at that moment. But He was not surprised by your failure. In fact, He may have been laughing. Let that affect you the next time you fail. I can't function without this assurance in my life because my failures are in my face all the time. But I'm learning to walk, and He knows it takes time and a lot of trial and error. I should rest and know the same thing.